She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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