I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
