I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
even my farts smell like vagina
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
