It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
