i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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