So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Randomize
