your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
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