well I can't set my house on fire every night
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Randomize
