Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
