you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
i want to swaddle you in tequila
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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