we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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