Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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