Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
