She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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