I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
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