I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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