google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Randomize
