My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
