I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
