Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goatâ€
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
