piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
