Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
