Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
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