he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
