Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Farmville is her only friend.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
