In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
