you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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