Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Randomize
