Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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