if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
