I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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