I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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