Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
