i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
