no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
