That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
