Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Randomize
