I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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