just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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