I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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