these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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