I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
