Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Randomize
