for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
He's a Shit stain on my heart
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
