I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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