there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
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