Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
