five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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