you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
