i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
