I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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