does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
