Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
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